Can't find myself again
by Lexi Anima Difensore
Summary: Just a little something I threw together last night. Slightly Claire/Moira towards the end Enjoy


**Disclaimers:** I don't own Resident Evil, Sugarcult. N'sync or any other copyrighted people or materials mentioned in this story.__

"Normal Speech"~__

_~'Thinking to self'-_

_~'__**Thinking to self in dream'~**_

_**~'**_Radio/TV announcements/DJs'~__

_Bright...why is it so bright? _"Claire? Open your eyes" _No..._"Claire! Wake up!" _5 more minut_es _Chris _

__"Claire!" _Wait_ _that's not Chris, it sounds like... _"Barry?" _Where am I?_

"What happened to Moira?" _Moira?_ "Was Moira With you?" _Moira she was...fuck_

"Barry. Oh god. I'm sorry. She's..." _Moira_ "I tried to save her... I should've..." _I'm so sorry..._

Six days. That's how long I've been out, well that's what the Doctor told me anyway. _'Feels like a lot longer than that.' _According to him; jumping out of a 20 story building and into a freezing cold ocean surrounded by sharp pointy rocks was a bad idea.

_'Not like I had much of a choice, the express elevator was kind of out of order.'_

To be honest I don't remember much after jumping. I remember the sensation of free falling before plunging into the ice cold water. I swam for awhile but got really tired then... _'Fucking headache...' _When I woke up again I was on some kind of Russian fishing trawler. One of the fishermen tried speaking with me but he didn't know much English and my Russian was rusty at best. Some time between the boat ride and the hospital I blacked out again. _'Damn hypothermia'_ I barely remember Barry running along side me trying to keep up with the paramedics; trying to wake me up and asking where his daughter was.

_'Barry...'_

Over the next few days a few friends had stopped by to check on me. Chris was unfortunately tied up with some new assignment and couldn't make it; He sent his love though and flowers. __

_'Not like it mattered anyway'_

Because of my 'special' circumstance I've been placed in quarantine until further notice. As was anyone who came into contact with me _'Those poor fishermen'_ Nothing comes in or out.

Unfortunately for Barry this rule applied to him to, meaning he was also placed into quarantine as well. Meaning he couldn't question me about Moira; which was both frustrating and a big relief. I wanted to tell the poor guy what happened but at the same time...I...how was I supposed to tell him I just left her there. I promised him I'd watch out for her when she first joined up with Terrasave; told him not to worry. _'Another busted promise...'_

I tried rolling over onto my side to look at the clock and instantly regretted it. "Right...broke ribs, forgot about those." being asleep for six days they hadn't really bothered me until now. I guess the pain meds were wearing off now as well; Peachy just...fucking peachy. I settled for laying on my back a staring at the ceiling, replaying the past few weeks in my head...skipping over certain parts and trying to find a way to tell Barry what had happened.

_'There was nothing I could have done for her though, right?...so why do I feel so guilty.'_

Eventually I ended up drifting off into what I had hoped would be a dream less sleep.__

_~__**Six weeks later~**___

_"Claire!" Before I could respond I was quickly and violently shoved to the ground causing my head to smash off the metal floor temporarily dazing me._

_**'Ow! What the hell Moira...wait'**___

_When I looked up I saw why she had pushed me "Moira!" a large part of the ceiling had fell, but instead of landing on me Moira had pushed me out of the way so I wouldn't get crushed. Unfortunately she was now trapped under said rubble "No! Don't you fucking dare!" and to top things off the rubble had taken out a large portion of the walkway, creating a large gap "Moira. Oh god"_

_**'Fuck! This can't be happening, were so close. Come on Claire think of something. **___

_I scanned the area for a way to get over there "I'm getting you out of there!" The gap was to large to jump across 'maybe if I...'_

_Before I could finish my thought Moira spoke up "Go...Claire. Save your...self..." __**No! I can't just...there has to be something...' **__ she spoke again "It's OK...don't look back..."_

_With great difficulty I walked towards the nearby exit which was just a hole in the wall. I looked back at my fallen friend then back down at then down at the icy cold water below "God help me" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes before leaping out of the crumbling building and into the rough sea below.  
_

But instead of being swallowed up by cold darkness I was met with a hard surface and a stinging pain on the side of my head.

I open my eyes and quickly scanned my surroundings. White sparely decorated walls, Dark hardwood floor covered in clothes, shoes and other assorted crap, double bed, desk covered in paper work and a barely used dresser. I let out a small sigh of relief; I was back in my apartment.

_'Fucking nightmares...'_

I ran a hand through my hair only to have it come back with a streak of blood on it. "Great..." I stand back up and toss the blankets I had pulled down with me back onto the bed, then headed to the bathroom to seek out a bandage.

_~2 Weeks ago~_

_'Finally! I'm out of this place.' _

After six long weeks myself, Barry and anyone else that was thrown into quarantine, were finally cleared. After checking with the Doctor and collecting my things-well the stuff they hadn't burned or confiscated anyway- then left.

'_Thank-god, If I was in there any long they would had to have give me a matching straight-jacket to go with those sterile white walls.'_

When I left the building I wasn't all that surprised to see Barry. He was sitting on a beat up bench near the entrance. _'Suddenly that room and jacket are starting to look appealing.'_ I walked over to him and offered him a weak smile which he returned. He stood up and hugged me -which I wasn't expecting- then cracked a joke along the lines of needing a cooties shot now. We both laughed for a bit before things went silent again.

Barry was the first to speak up "So I was just going to grab a coffee from the cafeteria. Taste like shit from what I've heard, but it does the job. You want one?" The idea of more hospital food wasn't all that appealing, but the fact that I hadn't had coffee in over six weeks won out over my disgust of the bland food here. "Sure, sounds good." Barry nodded and I followed behind him.

The walk there was quite for the most part, making ideal chit-chat about the weather or whatever else people usually talk about seemed wrong some how.

_'Off to a great start'_

After both of us got our coffee-well a coffee and a chocolate-chip muffin in my case- we sat down at an empty table near the back of the cafeteria. Both of us sat in silence for awhile, Barry occasionally sipped at his coffee while I pick at the muffin in front of me.

Eventually I managed to speak, and when I did I ended up spilling all the detail to Barry on what happened nearly Two month's ago.

_'Has it been that long already...damn'_

I told him about the party getting crashed, waking up on the island, the bracelets, the crazy woman talking to us through the bracelets, Neil's betrayal...and eventually what happened to Moira. He sat there the whole time and listened.

I honestly didn't know what his reaction was to all this information, he just kind of sat there and stated down into his coffee. Before I could say anything else Barry's cellphone rang. He reach into his pocket and flipped open his phone.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, I'll be there soon."

"Bye"

Barry sat up from the table "Well that's my ride" _'Shit!, I knew I forgot something.'_ Barry let out a small chuckle. "I'm guessing you forgot to call someone to pick you up?" I smiled sheepishly "Yeah" he smiled again "Come on, I'll give you a ride back to your apartment." he said taking another sip of his coffee; cringing slightly "yuk, they weren't kidding about this coffee." then tossed it into the nearby trash can. I laughed and did the same with my coffee and destroyed muffin, then followed Barry out to the parking lot where his daughter Polly was waiting for us.

_~Present time~  
_  
That was about two-weeks ago now, I haven't heard much from Barry since. I assumed he had buried himself in his work as I was doing. Occasionally I'd get a call from him asking how I was holding up and sometimes just asking more questions about the incident. I'm not sure why he wanted to hear the story again but I did my best to answer them.

Chris finally managed to get a little free time and stopped by to check on me. I told him I was fine, although we both knew that was a lie. He knew not to press me any further on the matter. Though he did attempted to get me to go out of the house a few times, usually something along the lines of Joining him Jill for a movie or going to a bar for drinks. I just kept telling told him I was busy with work; which wasn't a complete lie.

Turns out having your boss betray you; turn into a giant monster then trying to kill you is grounds for a promotion. I'm now the head of the N.Y.C branch of Terrasave _'yay me...'_ Which mean I now have double the work load and the same pay. It was fine though, at least it was something to take my mind off of...yeah. At least until I go to sleep that is; or collapse form exhaustion; which ever comes first.

After cleaning up the small head wound with a damp cloth and placing a band-aid over it, I head back to my room. I glanced at the clock which read 6:45am "Not much point in going back to bed, might as well finish up that paperwork form last night." I walk over to my desk and sit down in the worn out leather chair. As I reach over to turn on the desk lamp I end up knocking something over _'Fuck sakes'_ I lean down and pick the object up. It was a picture frame, but not just any picture frame this particular one contained an photo of her and Moira.

A small smile spread across my face_ 'I remember this'_

This was taken last year on her 19th birthday, she was finally old enough to legally drink-well in Canada anyway-so they celebrate by going to some crappy dive bar with a few other friends. We drank, played pool and almost got into a bar brawl with a few drunken idiots.

_'We had a lot of fun that night'_

Looking at the picture brought back good memories...but it also stirred up bad ones and made emotions I didn't particularly feel like dealing with right now surface. I quickly placed the picture back down on the desk, and tired to focus on the paper work in front of me. Part way into my work something started dripping down onto the spread sheet in front of me; smearing the ink. _'Damn band-aid must be leaking'_ But when I reached up to the wound it was bone dry.

It took me a few moments to realize I'd been crying.__

_**~Six Month's later~**___

"Ugh!" If I see one more spread sheet I'm gonna jab pencils into my eyes. The higher up weren't kidding about there being more paper work. It's only been 6 month's since I got the job, but I feel like I've been trapped inside this office for six years. I've barely interacted with any other human beings besides my new assistant Diana and Chris when he bothers to show up.

I basically live in my new office at this point, which so far was the only perk of this so-called promotion. Sunlight was slowly becoming a myth along with sleeping in and having days off. I stared at the pile of paperwork on my desk, trying to set it alight with my mind some how.

_'Okay Claire, no more coffee for you.'_

Upon saying that my stomach let out a low rumble. I looked down at my wrist watch. "Damn 12:15 already; I almost missed my lunch break." I stood up from my chair and stretched; making sure to pop all my joints.

_'Damn that feels good'_

Then grabbed my coat and keys before heading out the door. Giving the paperwork one final glance "You better not be here when I come back" then closed and locked the door behind me.

I informed Diana-who was on the phone- I was taking my lunch break, to which she just smiled and nodded to let me know she heard me.

_**~15 minutes later~**_

_'Fuck my life'_

It figures I get stuck in a traffic jam the one time of the day where I actually get to leave the office. Some idiot decided reading a text message was more important that driving and ended up rear ending the car in front of him. Luckily no one was hurt but now I have to wait for a damn tow truck to show up and haul off buddies car.

_'May as well turn on the radio, it's got to be better than listening to these to idiots argue about who's paying for what.'_

I reached over and flipped the radio on, leaving it on what ever station it was at and listened to the DJ ramble on about some stupid contest to win concert tickets to see some overrated boy band.

_'And now on with the request hour. Here's a classic, Nsync- Bye bye bye; as requested by Linda'_

I groaned. In want world is that considered a classic. Quickly I reached over to the dial and started flipping through the stations, catching bits of the argument going on outside.

"Well some one has to pay for the damages!" the older man yelled "It's not my fault you..."

_'Come on..'_

I ended up settling on some station that was playing some kind of indie rock song then turned the volume up to drown out the two idiots _'Good enough'_

_Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again_

_Six months went by  
I almost forgot your face  
Till they played that song tonight  
The one we used to hate_

The I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel along to the beat of the song. It sounds vaguely familiar, until I remember it was the same band Moira had been trying to get me into a few month's before the incident.

'_Moira...I almost forgot her...'_

I haven't thought about her in month's now, Taking over the local Terrasave branch had eaten up almost all of my time. There wasn't much I did these days other than paper work and the occasional meetings here and there. By the time I'd get home-if I haven't already crash on the couch in my office- I was took tired to even dream.

By the time the song ended the tow truck had gotten here and cleared the road, My lunch break was almost over. I decided to just to grab a slice of pizza and a drink for a nearby pizza shop; then I headed back to the office.

Just as I was about to unlock the door to my office Diana called over to me.. "I'm sorry to bother you Ms. Redfield, but an important message came in not to long ago." She walked out from behind her desk and handed me a piece of stationary with a hastily written message on it.

It was from Chris. Apparently Barry had track down the emergency signal Moira and I had sent months ago and decided to go looking for her.

_'I don't blame him...poor man.'_

To make matters worse he went off the gird a few days ago and they couldn't contact him. Chris had his last know location and was going to go after him. I thanked Diana and rush into my office, wasting no time I picked up the phone and called Chris.

After arguing with him for over an hour he finally caved. He called in a few favors and the next thing I knew I was on a helicopter back to that cursed Island.

_'That place may have taken Moira away, but I'm sure as hell not letting it take Barry to.'_

_**Zabytij Island - 7 hours later  
**_  
The pilot had Barry's last know position jotted down on a map "The signal came from somewhere around here." He pointed to a vague location on the island map. _'Great, that's a lot to go off of' _I grabbed a pair of binoculars and started scanning the Island, there was smoke coming from the northern side of the island.

_'The hell?'_

In the distance there were a few tiny dots standing at the edge of a cliff. _'Should have know, where there's smoke, there's Barry'_

I quickly shouted orders at the pilot "Over there" he wasted no time a flew towards the smoke. I looked through the binoculars again; the dots slowly becoming more visible now. One was definitely Barry and the other was...was that the little girl we ran into six months ago? But there was a third dot standing beside him.

_'Is that Moira?'_

I didn't have much time to celebrate as a blood curdling roar ripped through the air and that ugly she bitch emerged from the cave and stared charging towards the trio.

_'Oh no you don't'_ _  
_  
I swapped the binoculars for a sniper rifle and instructed the poilt yo get closer. Once he did I line up the shot "Oversee this, bitch." then fired right into her weak spot, knocking she-wesker flat on her back.

Moira cheered "Fuck yeah!"  
I looked over her way and started to apologize for what happened "Moira, I'm so sorry. You were in trouble. And I-" but she cut me off before I could finish."And you came back with a chopper and a sniper rifle, and that's fucking awesome so shut up." she looked over and me and we both smiled. But the moment was cut short.

Apparently she-wesker was done with them just yet. She stood back up let a out an another ear shattering roar. Barry ushered the girls into the chopper, the beast roared again as it regained its strength. Barry stood between the monster and the copper "Let me take care of this." she howled again getting ready to charge them.

Moira look over at her father "Are you sure you don't need me Barry? I mean...dad." he looked over at his daughter and smiled "I'll always need you. But for now... I have this." he said as he pulled out his Colt Python and chambered 6 shots into it. I fired a few round into the beast to stall it "I'll cover you from the chopper!" He nodded started walking toward the ugly beast.

"Come at me she-wesker."

_**~One epic monster battle later~**_

It was finally over. Wesker was dead and they were all headed back home. I looked over at Moira " I can't believe you survived that long" Barry spoke up "Oh course she did. She's a fucking Burton!" Everyone in the chopper laugh including Natalia.

Eventually, the copper quieted down and most of the people inside started drifting off to sleep, including Moira; who was currently using my shoulder as a pillow. I small brunette, I still couldn't believe she was here.

"You know, If you you keep staring at me like that. I'm going to start to think you got a thing for me" the smaller girl joked.

I scoffed "You wish" then we both laughed "I though you were asleep?" Moira shifted in her seat "I am" settled back into my shoulder. A small blush crept up on my face as she snuggled closer to me.

_'I'm glad she didn't see that.'_

Eventually I ended up drifting off to. I rested my head against the cold metal of the chopper, a small thought crossing my mind before I feel asleep.

_'I bet that paperwork is still waiting for me when I get back'_

****

___****_


End file.
